Wellness, Part II
The Wellness Initiative was in full force again this week. The nutritionist was as intense as ever, and started bringing in enormous vegetables from her garden.
The employees had never encountered such large food. Their natural instinct was to play with it.
…until the nutritionist caught them. Unfortunately, Bob was wedged in there pretty tight. He ended up having to eat his way out.
The rule with the pepper was that it had to be consumed before any other food could be brought into the office. Vitamin C levels soared, but morale suffered a bit.
Still, the bell pepper was way better than the jalapeño that was brought in earlier in the week.
Once the bell pepper was gone, the staff was allowed to bring in organic food–but only organic! Sue was somehow able to download and print “USDA Organic” stickers, and she secretly handed them out. The employees were excited. Now they could just slap the stickers on everything they wanted to eat.
Alas, Derek played with fire and attracted suspicion.
No one was very excited by the nutritionist’s next idea for a “group eating challenge”: A banana from her extra-large banana tree. 
Then suddenly, she dropped the banana. She appeared to be listening intently to… the faint sound of music?
Yes. It was the “music” of Space Invaders, a siren song from the nutritionist’s past. In her youth, she had demonstrated exceptional natural skills for Space Invaders, and had racked up the highest score in national competition. But her love turned to addiction, and the game that made her eventually almost destroyed her.
Our intern Grandma Bernice just played for fun.
The nutritionist would not leave Grandma Bernice’s cube. She shouted commands, cursed, cheered and ordered Grandma Bernice to make complicated, but strategically brilliant moves. It was clear she wasn’t going anywhere for a long time.
The employees could hardly believe their luck. The next morning Bob brought in donuts for everyone. He was in a great mood… until he noticed all the exercise pictures posted on the walls.
The employees had a bad feeling about this. And their fears were realized when a workout guru burst into the room.
His name was Vince. He liked fitness, and he liked self tanning.
Vince immediately ordered everyone to give him 50 push-ups. Bob collapsed halfway through the first one, and Derek tried to stay hidden behind the water cooler.
Then Vince took out a strange contraption and told employees it was time to test their overall health. Ann went first.
She didn’t score too high. Her health was equal to that of a mound of pudding.
Ted didn’t rate very high either.
The computer delivered an unusual and ominous message for Bob.
Once everyone’s extreme lack of health was confirmed, Vince took the employees across the street to a building they had seen, but never visited.
It was a gym.
Vince introduced his assistant, a tall, strange young man dressed like a fancy leprechaun.
It seemed an odd choice for an exercise assistant, but no one said anything. Instead, the employees began to worry. Really worry. What was going to happen here? It seemed like the answer was “nothing good.”
Suddenly the nutritionist and her oversized jalapeño weren’t looking so bad.
Next week: Let’s get physical!
hedgercorp.com 
At this point I am forced to wonder how one gets fired from Hedger Corp. so that they can successfuly apply for and receive unemployment. Because the working conditions are becoming unacceptable. Does anyone have a small lawyer doll that might help represent Sue and her coworkers in a class action lawsuit?
If anyone DOES have a lawyer doll, Hedger Corp. may be in trouble. Evidently Coach Kent also wants to sue us. During the goal-setting workshop our mascto (the bull) left quite a mess on his carpet. It was difficult to clean, and he is asking that we replace the carpet. He also wants $4 million for “emotional trauma.” So a lawyer action figure would have a lot of work here.
Hi CarolHere are some ideas to take care of your issue. Testimonials at the bottom.Cause:High Blood Pressure: There is a thinnecikg of the blood from catarrhal and excess glutinous and fibrinous matters loading the circulatory system. Generally there is a clogging of the bowel with putrid body waste, making it necessary to cleanse the excretory systems in order to purify the blood. Low blood and high blood pressure are both due to malfunction of the circulatory system. High blood pressure in many cases works just like low blood pressure. Cholesterol must be eliminated from the system in order to get the blood flowing more freely. The condition is brought about by improper diet, insufficient rest and exercise and a lack of vitality within the system. Herbal Aids:1. High Blood Pressure: With high blood pressure, cholesterol and mucus form a sludge within the body. Avoid the mucus-forming foods and take herbs that act as a solvent by liquefying impurities such as cayenne, garlic or sassafras. Take cayenne, working up to a teaspoon three times a day. This increases the power of the heart and corrects the circulation problems. Garlic in copious amounts will bring down high blood pressure. Pure tomato juice is very good as a nutritional and a medicinal herb. Wheat germ oil is excellent for feeding the heart and helps cut the cholesterol and smoothens its removal from the area. Avoid the use of liquor and tobacco, do not keep late hours, and avoid over-tiredness and worry. There is an intricate inter-relationship between ones living habits and his body condition. 2. Low Blood Pressure: More oxygen is needed to correct this condition. Garlic is a good oxygen carrier. One of the greatest aids for low or high blood pressure because of oxygen starvation is deep breathing, which serves as a catalyst and helps the herbs react more rapidly. An immediate increase in circulation may be obtained by the use of cayenne and non mucus-forming foods. Grape juice as well as other juices rebuild and give endurance to the system. 3. Shock: Cayenne should be taken internally to equalize the blood pressure and insure that the internal functions will remain stabilized during the intense systemal distress. 4. Dr. Shook’s High Blood Pressure Formula (hardening of the arteries, etc.): See formula using sassafras, European goldenrod, buckbean, black cohosh, poke root, Indian senna, buckthorn and cassia bark. 5. Dr. Shook’s High Blood Pressure Compound: See formula using valerian root, licorice root, buckthorn, speedwell, linden flowers, rue and golden rod. 6. Dr. Christopher’s Blood Pressure Formula: (BPE) This formula feeds calcium and ginger into the circulatory system, the cayenne working from the bloodstream to the heart and arteries, out into the veins. The other herbs included are to cleanse, heal and give natural elasticity to the venous structure. It is a group of herbs working together to equalize the blood pressure whether high or low and to bring it to a good systolic over the diastolic reading. Blood flow is life itself. This combination contains: Ginger, Cayenne, Golden Seal, Ginseng, Parsley, Garlic. 7. Vitamin K: The blood clotting properties of Vitamin K, it has been found effective in preventing and curing high blood pressure in test animals, and may turn out to be important for the same use in humans. It is important that in the plant kingdom, only Alfalfa contains a significant amount of Vitamin K; most plants are quite deficient in the vitamin. 8. Kelp: It is an arterial cleansing agent and gives tone to the walls of the blood vessels. It is helpful in some cases of arterial tension (high blood pressure). Practitioners believe that it helps to remove deposits from the walls of the arteries and restore their elasticity, thereby lengthening life. Sufferers from low blood pressure can also have this condition normalized with the use of Kelp. 9. Shepherd’s Purse: Acts to constrict the blood vessels and thus can raise blood pressure but it has also been said to regularize blood pressure and heart action whether the pressure is too high or too low. 10. Valerian: The herb has a beneficial effect on the heart and on blood pressure. One man felt jittery and woozy taking his blood pressure medicine and asked an herbal practitioner for something to help him. He didn’t say that he was going to stop taking his medicine but a few weeks later, he said that he had been to his doctor, and that his blood pressure was down to normal. He didn’t have the nerve to tell the doctor that he had stopped taking the medicine and was drinking a tea composed mostly of Valerian and hawthorne. 11. Hawthorn Berries: A celebrated cardiac tonic for many centuries. Under conditions of stress, the heart often works overtime. Hawthorn berries can help in treatment of high or low blood pressure, tachycardia, and arrhythmia. It is also anti-spasmodic, sedative, and soothing to nerves, especially in nervous insomnia. 12. Garlic: Many people have been helped in ridding the body of worms by inserting a peeled button of garlic as high as possible into the rectum. Do this just before retiring at night and it will come out with the first bowel movement in the morning. (This is also a fine aid in adjusting high blood pressure and low blood pressure). 13. Water: It is very beneficial to drink a gallon of steam distilled water each day. This will aid to cut down the hardening of the arteries, adjust high and low blood pressure, and retard body dehydration. The amount of water depends on the weight of the individual. Use one ounce of steam distilled water to each pound of body weight. i.e. a one hundred and thirty pound individual should drink a gallon of the water (132 oz.) or a twenty pound child, twenty ounces of the water. 14. Juices for High Blood Pressure: Celery-garlic-parsley, celery, dandelion, grapefruit. 15. Juices for Low Blood Pressure: Beet, grape, pomegranate. 16. Ephedra: Excessive amounts of ephedra should not be used by those people who have high blood pressure, but the small amounts in Dr. Christopher’s formulas will have no adverse effects. Ephedra is great for those suffering from low blood pressure. 17. Vegetables for Blood Pressure: The green bell-shaped pepper is especially good for high blood pressure and acidosis. The Sweet Potato used for problems of low blood pressure and poor circulation. Peaches are considered valuable in cases of high blood pressure Pineapple is considered good for high blood pressure. Strawberry is recommended for high blood pressure. Ample consumption of tomatoes is considered to improve high blood pressure. 18. Pecans: These have been used where there is a problem with low blood pressure Pinon nuts have saved the life of many an Indian baby when made into a nut soup and used as milk for the baby when the mother had no milk. The nut is considered to be effective where there are problems with the lungs such as tuberculosis, impotence, paralysis, low blood pressure, and emaciation. The Pinon nut is one of the best sources of protein in the nut family. Testimonials:1. Dr. Christopher Tells the Story: I traveled with a man younger than myself several years ago all over the western part of the United States on business. He marveled at the stamina that an older man could have on long drives without displaying the usual fatigue. Each morning I would get up and have my cayenne and my wheat germ oil (I don’t pay attention to anyone else, I just take them, regardless). Finally he got curious and said, What’s that stuff? So I gave him an illustrative lecture, and he responded, Well, I have hemorrhoids; my mother died of high blood pressure, and I have high blood pressure; and with the hemorrhoids I have to wear a belt, as you probably noticed, to keep my hemorrhoids up in place. Do you think that (meaning cayenne) will help? Not unless you take it, I replied. Well, I will start taking it. Then I added, I don’t think you’re man enough; I don’t think you are brave enough, and I turned and walked away. Now, he was well-proportioned and a weight lifter, so after I left, he went over and got into my can and started using the cayenne along with the wheat germ oil, and by spring he did not have to wear a belt any longer as his hemorrhoids were cleared. Then he had an amazing surprise when he went to his doctor for a regular check-up; the doctor took his blood pressure three or four times and said, This is supposed to be progressively worse. I don’t know what has happened; your systolic and diastolic are near perfect. You don’t need to come back any longer I don’t know what happened! Well, he did not have to go back, and today this gentleman who lives in the Salt Lake City area has no high blood pressure, for he kept on taking his cayenne. 2. Dr. Christopher’s Own Story: Because of my own experiences I must tell you that I am a firm believer in the use of cayenne for the circulatory. I suffered ill health in my youth and from my middle twenties to the middle thirties it was impossible for me to purchase life insurance, even a thousand dollar policy. This was due in part to the hardening of the arteries and a disposition to high blood pressure which I suffered from. During my middle forties I tried again for a substantially large policy of life insurance. Because of the amount of the insurance I had requested, I was required to see two different doctors, each of whom gave me an examination. After one examination the doctor exclaimed that he was astounded at my blood pressure which resembled that of a healthy teenager though I was forty-five years old. The second doctor measured my blood pressure five times, in each instance shaking his head and repeatedly scrutinizing my case history chart. I was becoming irritated and asked him if his equipment was broken, seeing that he had repeated the reading over and over. He told me that the equipment had been used without trouble for some time, but since my age was forty-five and I had a perfect systolic over diastolic pressure he had to wonder if the reading was correct. I assured him that it was and related what the other doctor had said. I got an O.K. for the policy from both practitioners. Last year as I neared seventy years of age I told this story to a class I was instructing. One of the pre-medicine students asked if my blood pressure was still as good as it had been then. So I gave him permission to take my blood pressure. Amazingly, the group saw the blood pressure reading of a healthy young man and not the average reading of a seventy-year-old individual. This was very gratifying to me to say the least. The main reason for this good blood pressure of mine, besides my close adherence to the mucusless diet, was the use of cayenne as a food each day. I take one to three teaspoons or more of cayenne every day of my life and the resulting healthy blood pressure is what I call a good pay-off for a total effort. 3. Dr. Christopher’s Hawthorn Berry Syrup has been doing us so much good. It’s difficult to find adequate thank you expressions for you. In addition to help for heart problems it has also been stabilizing a high blood pressure problem of long standing which is really worthy of praise. We take it only twice a day, but perhaps if it was taken three times, it would bring the blood pressure to normal At least we are not using the drug prescription for some time now. Best of health to youCheers