The Magician

Our recent ski retreat wasn’t the easiest trip.

Sue lost an arm on the slopes.

And if you recall, Chachi had lost one of his shoes during the “spider incident” last month.

As a result, he ended up NOT wearing a shoe to the mountains. He just had one bare foot.

In the snow.

He had been trying to warm his foot up all week, to no avail. And he really, really wanted that shoe back.

Bob, meanwhile, was plagued by flashbacks of his “ski instructor.”

Anyway, it was rough.

So I came up with a plan that would solve the shoe/arm problem and cheer everyone up, all in one fell swoop.

A Magician!

And his assistant!

Was it disconcerting that the Magician’s assistant had really strange arms? Maybe. Considering the Magician was here to repair Sue’s arm.

Hmm.

But there wasn’t much time to dwell on this because the Magician and his assistant quickly pulled Derek from the crowd.

Derek was NOT pleased.

The Magician mumbled something magical, and then asked Derek: “What do you want more than anything?”

A thought popped into Derek’s head, but he didn’t say anything. More than anything, he secretly wanted to own Chachi’s cool denim jacket.

POOF! One second later his thought came true.

Derek was stunned.

His emotions were mixed. Chachi was sitting right there! It was embarrassing to be wearing his jacket. But on the other hand, it was the awesomest thing ever.

In a flash, the Magician made the jacket disappear. Derek was asked to step back and Ted was called to the front.

Ted was beside himself. Wasn’t the Magician here to (A) recover a shoe and (B) repair an arm? Why was HE being asked to step forward?

With no explanation or warning, the Magician turned Ted into a potato.

Ted began to freak out.

Unfortunately, the Magician couldn’t remember how to undo the spell. Ted was rolled off to the corner.

To try and distract the crowd from this issue, the assistant started performing advanced gymnastic moves.

Finally, Chachi raised his hand and inquired about his shoe.

The Magician was happy to turn his attention away from the potato incident. He came up with a magic spell for the shoe, just as Grandma Bernice wandered in.

The timing was not good.

This pretty much sent everyone over the edge. First the potato, now this. Things were quickly falling apart.

The assistant realized he couldn’t possibly perform gymnastic moves advanced enough to deflect attention from the current emergency. He privately spoke to the Magician and urged him to restore Grandma Bernice’s head.

The Magician was secretly surprised that his restoration spell worked. Grandma Bernice wandered out as if nothing had happened.

It seemed like things were possibly getting out of hand. It was time to get down to business.

The Magician called Sue forward.

He waved his magic sheet-thing at her and dramatically yelled some magic words.

They were not the right magic words.

He tried again.

And again.

His next attempt was at least partially correct, in that it involved Chachi’s missing shoe.

At last, and pretty much by accident, the magician gave Sue an arm. It seemed to be the right size. It seemed to work. But her jacket was gone.

Sue decided this was good enough. Light applause broke out, led by the Magician himself. In the corner, Ted remained a potato.

Finally the whole potato thing had to be dealt with.

The staff rolled Ted into the center of the room.

The Magician prepared to do what he did best: Sub-standard magic.

Meanwhile, the assistant started stretching. There was a good chance he was going to need to deflect the audience’s attention yet again.

With a swoosh of the magic white sheet-thing, Ted became the latest in a string of attempts to reclaim Chachi’s shoe.

The assistant flew into a back-bend.

Then another swoosh of the sheet and Ted was back. Not perfect, but back.

As was the shoe, in its normal state.

The assistant performed a few “farewell” gymnastic moves while the Magician packed up.

Then he handed out his card. You never knew when someone might need an advanced gymnast/magic assistant.

Derek, meanwhile, couldn’t stop thinking about that denim jacket. Boy, he wanted that thing back.

Next week: A new campaign backfires. Separately, Ted is forced to confront his evil twin brother.