What Happens When You Combine Infomercial Products

It’s time to hear the employees’ ideas for Combining Infomercial Products. 

This project was the brainchild of Coach Kent. He is a somewhat of a visionary.

Not a total visionary. No.

But somewhat.

His challenge to the staff: Try to find a way to combine existing infomercial products into something new and BETTER.

Team A presented their ideas first.

Team A’s concept: The Insanity Workout Regimen meets the Happy Napper Play Pillow.

They called it “Insanely Happy Napper.”

Picture it: You’re working out. Working out hard.

As you lift, lunge and struggle through a bunch of push ups, the Happy Napper is adding extra weight. A miniscule amount, but still. It forces you to work that much harder.

Then, when you are ready to rest, BOOYA!

You have a snuggly pillow friend ready to help you take a little nap.

Team A was proud of their idea. But Team B was unimpressed. “Our turn,” said Derek. Then Team B struck a pose.

Team B called their idea “Power Clean.”

It included: A Comfy Control Pet Harness, a ShamWOW Mop and a Shark VX3 Floor and Carpet Cleaner.

The concept: Attach the ShamWOW and Shark VX3 to the doggie harness. As the pup dashes wildly around the house, the floor gets cleaner and cleaner.

Then, if you spot a mess in the other room and need to relocate the pup, you just grab a Safety Grip Handle…

…stick it on the harness, and boom! Move the dog.

Team A was grudgingly impressed with their competitor’s idea. But SURPRISE! They weren’t done. They had another idea to share.

They called it ULTIMATE PRODUCTIVITY.

It was all centered around the”3-Minute Legs” infomercial product. The team was intrigued to see that someone could get their legs in shape in just three minutes a day. But why stop there? What ELSE could people do in those same three minutes?

They decided to combine “3-Minute Legs” with:

• Pops-a-Dent — to quickly remove dents from your car
• The Slap Chop — to quickly chop an onion
• The Quick Chop — A competitor to the Slap Chop. Which one chops faster?? Find out during the three-minute workout!
• The Instant Fisherman — to instantly catch a fish
• The FLEX Pro — to work your abs during all this activity

All of these incredible products, included in ONE package:

But that’s not all!

The package ALSO INCLUDES Sweet Soul of the 70’s…

To help illustrate the concept, here is what people can achieve in THREE MINUTES with the Ultimate Productivity package:

After making this presentation, Team A applauded itself. They kept clapping and “woo hooing” way longer than appropriate.

Then Team B announced, “We, too, have a second idea.”

A hush fell over the room.

“Our idea,” said Team B, “is called ULTIMATE LAZINESS.”

Then the team posed again.

Ultimate Laziness starts with a Contour Back Wedge pillow thing.

..and a Bally Thigh Toner.

You use the ab toner as a footrest as you relax on the back pillow.

Next you add The Reacher.

In case you want to reach some Ding Dongs or something.

But wait! That’s not all.

The package also includes The Clapper.

And a very fancy lamp — situated out of reach — that you can now easily turn on and off.

But what if I get thirsty? you wonder. Would I have to get up and fetch water? NO!! No, you would not. Because the Ultimate Laziness package comes with the Aqua Globes Watering Bulbs!

Just fill it with water beforehand, then stick it in your mouth. It will administer water as needed.

You’re hydrated. But what if you want something else?

No worries! Simply record your need on the Forget Me Not…

Then take the EZ Jet Water Cannon (also included) and create a forceful jet of water that will launch the Forget Me Not into another room or, if needed, a neighbor’s house.

Everything is going well. So well that you never want to leave this comfortable cocoon. Well, you don’t have to because this NEXT ITEM is also included.

You won’t think you’ll need it, but you will.

With this incredible package, Team B rested its case.

It was a powerful combination of infomercial items. Powerful.

The group stood there, thinking about what had been presented. Which combination of products was the best? Should they pursue any of the concepts?

No one said a word.

Then Grandma Bernice wandered in.

“The paparazzi are going crazy outside,” she said, as if this was a normal update.

Paparazzi? What the heck was that all about? The employees ran — RAN — out of the office. Totally forgetting about all the infomercial ideas.

Coach Kent stood alone.

“Take the Insanely Happy Napper idea and DO IT,” he whispered to himself. “These Hedger Corp idiots could never execute it properly.”

He straightened his tie. Then he continued the self talk. “Why am I losing so much hair?” he thought to himself. “I need to address that issue. Man I need to go to the bathroom. But I hate public restrooms. Damn. I also need to get my bunion looked at. It’s getting out of control. So out of control…”

Coach Kent continued to talk to himself, but it got progressively less interesting. So we’ll just leave it at that.

Next: Why the paparazzi? Stay tuned and find out!