What the Hell Happened Here?

Hmm… it is just me, or has it been a while since we last checked in with the staff?

A LONG WHILE.

Sigh.

Sorry about that.

BUT, I’m happy to report that the employees are still here, and everyone is hunky-dory.

OK, fine, there was one incident…

But it’s over, and we’re never talking about it again.

So let me catch you up on the other stuff. Do you remember where we left off? Bob mistakenly got invited to a non-existent “dress-up day” in the office. And he showed up looking like Lady Gaga.

That situation went south pretty fast, especially with all the paparazzi in the office. Those guys were all over, snapping pictures, taking videos, yelling things like, “Is that really Lady Gaga?” and “No! It’s just a weird dude trying to look like her!”

Anyway, the employees rushed to Bob’s aid, and cordoned off part of the breakroom.

First they tried to remove the Lady Gaga boots.

This proved difficult.

Then Papa Smurf appeared and told everyone to step aside! He had something that would “blow the roof off this joint.” (His words.)

Papa Smurf then produced another Lady Gaga-inspired shoe and forced it onto Bob’s foot. This did NOT blow the roof off, as it turns out. People were confused, and someone yelled, “What are you doing, old man?!”

Bob was worse off than ever. The stiletto heels were killing him, and worse, Papa Smurf had outfitted him with a green headpiece–it was a spring green that someone with Bob’s skin tone should never wear.

Weighed down by all his fashion “don’ts,” Bob finally collapsed.

Pictures were still being taken. Snap! Snap!

It was a dark hour. But just then, a savior arrived.

With a boom box.

Hallelujah, it was Chachi!

He turned on his favorite song–“Rapper’s Delight” by the Sugarhill Gang–and began bouncing lightly.

Then–BOOM–he threw off his jacket!

Things got quite jiggy from there.

Chachi’s dance was both a brave act to spare Bob, and a shrewd career move. The paparazzi went crazy.

The dance went on for a while (“Rapper’s Delight” is a long song). It gave the employees enough time to drag Bob to safety and help him de-Lady-Gaga himself.

Unfortunately, the paparazzi didn’t depart easily. They stayed in the office for WEEKS, snapping pictures of anything and everything.

Eventually they worked themselves into a frenzy just taking pictures of each other.

Meanwhile, I did a lot of thinking about the “Bobby Gaga” incident (as it came to be known). And I realized that things had gotten out of control. I was not seeing appropriate behavior OR clothing, and it seemed like at least one of those things should be present in an office setting.

So I told Chachi to gather the troops. I had an announcement.

When everyone was assembled and looking properly frightened, I told them that I had hired an “Appropriateness Coach.” A person who would teach us what “appropriate” means, and how to apply the concept to our daily lives.

I found this coach on Craig’s List.

He went by the name of “Sweet Cheeks.”

In retrospect, maybe I should have interviewed a few more candidates.

Coming next: Sweet Cheeks coaches the staff. Bob finds that he misses the stiletto heels.