The party was lame, but surprisingly productive

Hello.

I realize we said we’d post this story LAST week. So we’re a week late. But remember: We don’t have any calendars here at Hedger Corp. Except for that one that Derek has hidden under his desk.

But since that one is hidden it doesn’t really count, does it?

We basically have to guess what day it is, and we’re not good at that. If you’re annoyed by this, just sign up for the email updates — then you don’t have to keep checking the site.

You’re welcome.

So last we left off, Derek announced that he was throwing a Halloween party to cheer up Chachi. As you may recall, Chachi’s girlfriend took off with Sweet Cheeks to stop a cat from robbing a liquor store.

(Wow. That’s a lot to take in if this is your first visit to Hedger Corp.)

So Derek had one day to plan a Halloween party. He had to keep things simple.

He found a bunch of freaky posters and put them up all over the breakroom…

…then he dumped a bunch of super-sized candy corn everywhere.

Decorations: check.

For entertainment, he decided he would pop out of a decorative container. Boo! Everyone would be scared and delighted all at once.

Meanwhile, in his cube, a sobbing Chachi suddenly smelled something wonderful… could it be candy corn? He loved candy corn. Loved it too  much.

He stumbled into the breakroom to investigate, and could not believe his eyes.

Without hesitation, he dove on the sweet corn and started scooping it up. Unfortunately, his elbow hit the decorative container, forcing the top shut. Derek was trapped inside.

Chachi resumed sobbing, but this time they were tears of joy. He buried himself in candy corn and started to eat his way out.

This was the scene when the employees arrived at work.

As everyone settled in for the first morning break (the employees like to take a break as soon as they arrive at work), Ted found himself drawn to the small decorative container. Longtime readers will remember that Ted likes small, enclosed spaces. Ever since his evil twin brother Jenkins froze him into a block of ice when they were filming that rock video. (Newcomers, just stick with us.)

Ted took one look around and decided that he’d rather spend the day trapped in the small container than attend this so-called party. He opened it…

…and was shocked to see Derek flop out.

Derek was disoriented…dizzy…. He stumbled around.

Strange images swam before his eyes…

Derek collapsed.

The party seemed to be losing focus.

Just then, our intern Grandma Bernice walked through the breakroom muttering, “Gotta get that candy ready… trick or treat.”

Hold the phone! Didn’t Grandma Bernice give out full-sized candy bars? The employees were pretty sure she did.

Sue, Bob and Ann hurried off to trick or treat at Grandma Bernice’s house.

Optimistic about the amount candy they would haul in, they decided to forego the pillowcase and bring a sleeping bag.

First they dressed up like ghosts.

They were thrilled to see that Grandma Bernice was indeed handing out enormous candy bars.

The employees regrouped behind Grandma Bernice’s house and changed into different costumes. This time around they went with a celebrity theme, disguising themselves as Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Aziz Ansari.

If Grandma Bernice was surprised to see Parks & Recreation’s Aziz Ansari at her door, she didn’t show it.

The rotation of new costumes continued, and hit a low point when the crew dressed as office equipment.

Finally, they made their way back to the breakroom with a sleeping bag full of candy.

By this time, Chachi had consumed his weight in candy corn. He was not doing well.

The gang dove into their candy. No self control. No modesty. They just wanted to finish what they could before Chachi threw up all over the place.

In all the commotion a Nestle Crunch bar hit someone’s laptop and sent an email.

This accidental correspondence was more productivity than we’ve seen in weeks. So good job, Derek. Good job! Your party was lame, but surprisingly productive.

Coming Next: You get a private, V.I.P. tour of the Hedger Corp. Mailroom. And this is way less boring than it sounds!