Do not hire this productivity consultant

I have to admit, my track record with hiring consultants is not great. Some of you might remember Sweet Cheeks.

I hired him in 2011 to give a presentation on “Appropriate Behavior in the Workplace.”

Umm… oops.

This week, I tried to whip my employees into shape by hiring a productivity consultant. The first inkling of trouble was when she arrived in a bathrobe. Covered in cats.

She was supposed to give a 45-minute talk. Instead, she stood there, frozen in place, while her cats roamed around intimidating the employees.

Ted, who is allergic to cats, arrived 20 minutes late. He took one look at the situation and fainted dead away.

Ted was dragged onto a table to recover. But the cats took to him like a shaggy rug in sunlight. It couldn’t have been good for his allergies.

Finally, 35 minutes into her “presentation,” the productivity consultant finally moved.

“CATS!” she screamed. “RETRIEVE THE MACHINE!”

The cats did as instructed and returned with a large yellow box. We couldn’t tell what it was…

… until they hoisted it upright.

It was a Pac-Man arcade game.

The line formed quickly.

Hmmm. I’m starting to wonder if I’m getting my money’s worth from this consultant…