Phone Wars

This is a recap of the story that appeared on the Hedger Corp Facebook Page the week of 11/17/14.

It was a normal Monday morning. Until Ann sauntered in with an iPHONE 6 PLUS. Boom!

The employees oohed and aahed appropriately, but when they retired to their cubes, they thought about their own mobile device situations. And their situations were not good.

Ted hasn’t upgraded his phone since 1997.

Sue got her phone when tiny devices were all the rage. Unfortunately she bought the tiniest phone on the market at the time; a phone that was so miniscule people couldn’t even see the screen. She has never even used it, but it beeps and rings all the time, which is disconcerting.

But no one had it as bad as Bob. His “mobile phone” was simply a landline headset, yanked from its base.

Ann was using her iPhone 6 Plus all the time. During coffee breaks, she would subtly position it on the table, so she could inconspicuously keep an eye on incoming texts or emails. I think she got away with it.

The problem: She had trouble getting around with the phone. She created this tube-skirt-meets-fanny-pack holder and she was scooching around in that for a while.

But it didn’t end well.

Mobility problems aside, Ann was riding high with her new technology. She was the talk of the office. But then on Thursday, Derek showed up with a new Samsung Galaxy.

Checkmate, Ann.

At this point, everyone was totally distracted by the new phones. So on Friday morning I confiscated ALL mobile devices. I plan to sell them later on eBay and use the money to buy myself something nice. But I’m not totally cold-hearted. I issued each employee a gently used fax machine.

Don’t say I never did anything for these people.