Ted goes all out for Valentine’s Day
This year Ted came to work dressed as a Valentine Box of Love.
It was really random.
It was also somewhat inconvenient. For example, it was difficult for him to get around. At one point he was shuffling toward the breakroom…
And 35 minutes later? Still shuffling.
When he finally got there, he saw the table was full of treats. Mmm!
Unfortunately: no arm holes.
This “no arm hole” situation also made it somewhat difficult for him to work.
Sigh.
Tomorrow: An update on Sue and her van.
In the meantime, you can also read about Hedger Corp’s Valentine’s Day last year…
Sue takes her winnings to the office
Sue liked the fact that she won a van, but did not like taking the van out on actual streets. The little driver guy was skilled, but this whole “put a brick on the accelerator” and “lie down sideways to steer” strategy was not as safe as it sounds.
So if she couldn’t use the van outside, Sue decided to try it in the office.
The pro was that she could get everywhere really fast, without exerting any energy.
The con was that the only way to stop the van was to ram it into a cubicle wall.
Next: Sue gets some disturbing news about the van.
The van: problems emerge
So Sue was named “Most Productive Employee of the Week” and won the van. Hooray!
Double hooray because I really needed to get rid of that van. You have no idea. I would explain, but I don’t want to endanger your life bore you.
Sue was elated, of course. But problems presented themselves right away. For instance, the van was pretty small. There was absolutely no way Sue was going to fit inside.
Thankfully, the van came with a driver. A friendly little chap with a firm, albeit tiny, handshake.
Unfortunately the van was so small, the driver didn’t fit very well either. So he had to throw a brick on the pedal and then lie down across the front seat and try his best to steer. It wasn’t ideal.
Sue had to lie on top and hold on for dear life. Things got pretty hairy on the freeway.
Plus there was a lot of honking and jeering from other drivers.
Sue was starting to rethink her winnings.
Next: Van trouble continues.
Results are in!
So let’s see where we’re at with this whole “Most Productive Employee of the Week” thing. Who will win? Who will receive the van?
To review…
Ann made me buy her some Red Bull, and during her caffeine high she started to reorganize all her files. Unfortunately, she crashed halfway through the project.
After drinking one huge can of cola, Bob switched to another soda that he thought was caffeinated. It wasn’t.
He spent about 50 percent of the week asleep, head-down on his desk, and the other 50 percent running to the bathroom.
Chachi found a tie, then upped the ante by adding an ill-fitting (but nicely pin-striped) jacket. He struck several poses that communicated “leadership” and “productivity.” I was impressed.
Ted napped next to his “productivity” poster, and had a dream that he was incredibly productive. In this contest, dreams about productivity do count, so he became a strong contender.
Derek secured our computer network, repaired the broken copier, organized all of our corporate records, successfully defended us in a critical lawsuit, filed our taxes for 2011, cleaned the crumbs out of all the keyboards, and saved an endangered polar bear from certain death.
And Sue? Sue carved my name out of wood.
Congratulations, Sue! Look at what you accomplished last week. It is amazing, and I love it. You win, hands down.
Ah, sweet victory. Enjoy the moment, Sue. And someone go get that van from the mailroom! Let’s give the gal her prize…
Next: Sue has to deal with the van
If you need data analyzed…
DO NOT ask a Smurf. That is what I learned today.
I put Techie Smurf in charge of analyzing my notes from last week, so I could determine who should win “Most Productive Employee of the Week.” I’ve been busy all day, so I just checked in with him. And what do I find?
He’s been video-chatting with Papa Smurf all day. Nothing has been reviewed! Nothing analyzed! So at this point, I do not know the outcome of the award.
I do know what Gargamel is plotting, though — and I can tell you it involves a dastardly potion and a lot of smurfberries.
Anyway, once I finish my work today, I’ll take over the data analysis. We’ll have our answer soon!
Productivity contest is in final stretch
It’s Friday, and the employees continue to vie for “Most Productive Employee of the Week.”
Chachi hasn’t been all that productive per se, but he did buy a tie.
He told me the tie makes him feel very corporate, and he’s been striking “corporate poses” (his words) all week. I told him there’s really no such thing as a corporate pose, but he ignored me.
Meanwhile, Sue’s been up to something in her cube. No one has any idea what she’s doing. The only thing we know is that it involves wood. A lot of wood.
That’s the update for now. I’ll review everyone’s productivity and announce the winner on Monday…
Checking in on Derek
When Derek heard about the “Most Productive Employee of the Week” award, he rolled his eyes. But when he heard the winner would receive a VAN…
He was interested.
VERY interested.
Derek does not own any motorized transporation. He used to drive a motorcycle – a really cool one – but it was stolen. He bought a replacement, and that was stolen. Then he bought a replacement for the replacement and… you guessed it: stolen.
All by the same guy.
Needless to say, he is motivated to win.
Ann goes in search of an energy boost
She conveniently “forgot” to bring money to the grocery store, so I had to foot the bill for her Red Bull.
Well played, Ann. Well played.
Ted: Not a front-runner
The “Most Productive Employee of the Week” contest continues.
Ted decided to stare at his poster, so he could draw strength and inspiration from the message. He fell asleep after nine seconds.
Bob: A front-runner for the award
I told the employees that one of them would be named “Most Productive Employee of the Week,” and the prize was a brand new van.
So far Bob is the front-runner. But with the amount of caffeine he’s consumed, he may die. If you die, you are disqualified.
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