Hello.

I realize we said we’d post this story LAST week. So we’re a week late. But remember: We don’t have any calendars here at Hedger Corp. Except for that one that Derek has hidden under his desk.

But since that one is hidden it doesn’t really count, does it?

We basically have to guess what day it is, and we’re not good at that. If you’re annoyed by this, just sign up for the email updates — then you don’t have to keep checking the site.

You’re welcome.

So last we left off, Derek announced that he was throwing a Halloween party to cheer up Chachi. As you may recall, Chachi’s girlfriend took off with Sweet Cheeks to stop a cat from robbing a liquor store.

(Wow. That’s a lot to take in if this is your first visit to Hedger Corp.)

So Derek had one day to plan a Halloween party. He had to keep things simple.

He found a bunch of freaky posters and put them up all over the breakroom…

…then he dumped a bunch of super-sized candy corn everywhere.

Decorations: check.

For entertainment, he decided he would pop out of a decorative container. Boo! Everyone would be scared and delighted all at once.

Meanwhile, in his cube, a sobbing Chachi suddenly smelled something wonderful… could it be candy corn? He loved candy corn. Loved it too  much.

He stumbled into the breakroom to investigate, and could not believe his eyes.

Without hesitation, he dove on the sweet corn and started scooping it up. Unfortunately, his elbow hit the decorative container, forcing the top shut. Derek was trapped inside.

Chachi resumed sobbing, but this time they were tears of joy. He buried himself in candy corn and started to eat his way out.

This was the scene when the employees arrived at work.

As everyone settled in for the first morning break (the employees like to take a break as soon as they arrive at work), Ted found himself drawn to the small decorative container. Longtime readers will remember that Ted likes small, enclosed spaces. Ever since his evil twin brother Jenkins froze him into a block of ice when they were filming that rock video. (Newcomers, just stick with us.)

Ted took one look around and decided that he’d rather spend the day trapped in the small container than attend this so-called party. He opened it…

…and was shocked to see Derek flop out.

Derek was disoriented…dizzy…. He stumbled around.

Strange images swam before his eyes…

Derek collapsed.

The party seemed to be losing focus.

Just then, our intern Grandma Bernice walked through the breakroom muttering, “Gotta get that candy ready… trick or treat.”

Hold the phone! Didn’t Grandma Bernice give out full-sized candy bars? The employees were pretty sure she did.

Sue, Bob and Ann hurried off to trick or treat at Grandma Bernice’s house.

Optimistic about the amount candy they would haul in, they decided to forego the pillowcase and bring a sleeping bag.

First they dressed up like ghosts.

They were thrilled to see that Grandma Bernice was indeed handing out enormous candy bars.

The employees regrouped behind Grandma Bernice’s house and changed into different costumes. This time around they went with a celebrity theme, disguising themselves as Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Aziz Ansari.

If Grandma Bernice was surprised to see Parks & Recreation’s Aziz Ansari at her door, she didn’t show it.

The rotation of new costumes continued, and hit a low point when the crew dressed as office equipment.

Finally, they made their way back to the breakroom with a sleeping bag full of candy.

By this time, Chachi had consumed his weight in candy corn. He was not doing well.

The gang dove into their candy. No self control. No modesty. They just wanted to finish what they could before Chachi threw up all over the place.

In all the commotion a Nestle Crunch bar hit someone’s laptop and sent an email.

This accidental correspondence was more productivity than we’ve seen in weeks. So good job, Derek. Good job! Your party was lame, but surprisingly productive.

Coming Next: You get a private, V.I.P. tour of the Hedger Corp. Mailroom. And this is way less boring than it sounds!

As you know, I felt like our staff needed a refresher course in appropriateness. I was seeing some things (Bob dressed as Lady Gaga) that, frankly, gave me nightmares.

But where do you look when you want to hire an “Appropriateness Coach”? Do you go down to Wal-Mart and stand outside the store, asking strangers if they are, by chance, Appropriateness Coaches? No,  you don’t.

Seriously. Do not do that. It was disastrous.

Craig’s List was more promising. In fact, when I searched for “Appropriateness Coach,” Sweet Cheeks’ profile popped up immediately. He had a few other services listed, none of which I can list here. Good God. But what Sweet Cheeks does in his spare time is not my concern. I needed an Appropriateness Coach and I needed one now.

So he was hired. Sight unseen.

I have to say, we were somewhat surprised by the outfit he selected.

I mean, if you’re going to wear a Speedo, maybe just go with black, right? Or red. That would be a more classic look.

Anyway, then Bob arrived and something seemed a bit weird with him too. Were those… leather pants he was wearing? And was he… taller than usual?

Then they saw his shoes:

The heels! The stiletto heels that Bob had complained about when he was Lady Gaga. Why was he still wearing them??

But there was no time to figure this out because Sweet Cheeks ordered everyone to sit.

“Let’s get APPROPRIATE!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. Then he performed some deep lunges.

Derek really wanted the lunging to stop.

“Hey! If you see a co-worker in the hallway, what do you do?” Sweet Cheeks suddenly asked the group. “Do you punch him and keep punching ’til he’s near death?”

That didn’t seem right. A couple of employees shook their heads no.

“NO!” yelled Sweet Cheeks. “No. What are you, crazy?”

Then he spoke in a whisper. “You jump him and pin him to the ground, to remove any threat he may pose. THEN you punch.”

The room was silent.

Ted wasn’t sure what the others thought, but he loved this advice. He could think of a few people he’d like to immobilize and punch.

Sue raised her hand. “What if you need to give that co-worker a file? Should you give the file first, then pin them–or pin them, then deliver the file.”

“You pin them, then you hit them over the head with the file repeatedly,” Sweet Cheeks informed her.

“You are my hero,” whispered Ted.

“But then what if that person tries to get revenge?” asked Sue.

“Then you hire a hit man and ‘get rid of the problem’ once and for all,” Sweet Cheeks explained.

Thirty seconds into the Appropriateness Workshop and the quasi-nude speaker is telling employees how to murder each another? Things seemed to be veering a bit off course.

From there, Sweet Cheeks launched into a bunch of other topics. He talked about the importance of “building up an arsenal of office supplies”…

And how to apply face paint in a way that reinforces your outfit. “Which is hopefully a leather outfit,” he added, nodding approvingly in Bob’s direction.

During the coffee break Sweet Cheeks grabbed Derek’s coffee and started guzzling it down. This was very upsetting to Derek. You see, Derek has this whole complicated thing he does with his coffee. He uses lots of special ingredients, a milk foamer, a food processor and a blow torch.

“This tastes intense,” said Sweet Cheeks. “Like my chest.”

Then out of nowhere, Chachi’s girlfriend arrived.

Everyone froze.

She was tall, exotic and mean. (Nothing like Joanie!) The employees hadn’t seen her for a long time. In fact, last they’d heard she’d left Chachi for a dashing fellow who wore fancy tunics and no pants.

Now she was back.

“Where is Chachi?” she asked.

Sweet Cheeks tossed a bunch of labels at the employees and told them to identify things that were “appropriate” and “inappropriate” in the office. Then he dashed over to Chachi’s girlfriend, his muscles flexed to the hilt.

When the employees finally took their seats, Sweet Cheeks whipped out his cell phone. “Oh no!” he said in an overly dramatic, bad-actor sort of way. “I have to leave immediately. My cat… is… robbing a liquor store!”

He started to leave with Chachi’s girlfriend, who was evidently going to help him deal with the cat situation.

But then he turned around. “Hey,” he said to the gang, “anytime you feel like you might get inappropriate, I hope you’ll  think of me.”

And with that he was gone.

From the other side of the room, the employees heard a gasp. It was Chachi!  “Come back!” he yelled.

But it was too late.

Chachi was completely  heartbroken.

We think.

Man, it is so hard to tell with that guy. He just smiles through everything.

Suddenly Derek jumped to his feet. “Cheer up, Chachi!” he said. “Think about the Halloween party! It’s going to be so rad!”

Did I just say “rad?” he thought. I hope I didn’t just say “rad.” 

The employees were startled. Halloween party? This was the first anyone was hearing about a Halloween party. Was this really going to happen?

Coming Next: The Halloween Party Really Happens

Hmm… it is just me, or has it been a while since we last checked in with the staff?

A LONG WHILE.

Sigh.

Sorry about that.

BUT, I’m happy to report that the employees are still here, and everyone is hunky-dory.

OK, fine, there was one incident…

But it’s over, and we’re never talking about it again.

So let me catch you up on the other stuff. Do you remember where we left off? Bob mistakenly got invited to a non-existent “dress-up day” in the office. And he showed up looking like Lady Gaga.

That situation went south pretty fast, especially with all the paparazzi in the office. Those guys were all over, snapping pictures, taking videos, yelling things like, “Is that really Lady Gaga?” and “No! It’s just a weird dude trying to look like her!”

Anyway, the employees rushed to Bob’s aid, and cordoned off part of the breakroom.

First they tried to remove the Lady Gaga boots.

This proved difficult.

Then Papa Smurf appeared and told everyone to step aside! He had something that would “blow the roof off this joint.” (His words.)

Papa Smurf then produced another Lady Gaga-inspired shoe and forced it onto Bob’s foot. This did NOT blow the roof off, as it turns out. People were confused, and someone yelled, “What are you doing, old man?!”

Bob was worse off than ever. The stiletto heels were killing him, and worse, Papa Smurf had outfitted him with a green headpiece–it was a spring green that someone with Bob’s skin tone should never wear.

Weighed down by all his fashion “don’ts,” Bob finally collapsed.

Pictures were still being taken. Snap! Snap!

It was a dark hour. But just then, a savior arrived.

With a boom box.

Hallelujah, it was Chachi!

He turned on his favorite song–“Rapper’s Delight” by the Sugarhill Gang–and began bouncing lightly.

Then–BOOM–he threw off his jacket!

Things got quite jiggy from there.

Chachi’s dance was both a brave act to spare Bob, and a shrewd career move. The paparazzi went crazy.

The dance went on for a while (“Rapper’s Delight” is a long song). It gave the employees enough time to drag Bob to safety and help him de-Lady-Gaga himself.

Unfortunately, the paparazzi didn’t depart easily. They stayed in the office for WEEKS, snapping pictures of anything and everything.

Eventually they worked themselves into a frenzy just taking pictures of each other.

Meanwhile, I did a lot of thinking about the “Bobby Gaga” incident (as it came to be known). And I realized that things had gotten out of control. I was not seeing appropriate behavior OR clothing, and it seemed like at least one of those things should be present in an office setting.

So I told Chachi to gather the troops. I had an announcement.

When everyone was assembled and looking properly frightened, I told them that I had hired an “Appropriateness Coach.” A person who would teach us what “appropriate” means, and how to apply the concept to our daily lives.

I found this coach on Craig’s List.

He went by the name of “Sweet Cheeks.”

In retrospect, maybe I should have interviewed a few more candidates.

Coming next: Sweet Cheeks coaches the staff. Bob finds that he misses the stiletto heels.

Have you ever been swarmed by paparazzi? I’m guessing you have, so I don’t need to tell you how disorienting it is.

The employees had no idea why so many photographers and reporters had descended on the Hedger Corp building.

Briefly, Sue wondered if her “Wood Carving” video had gone viral on You Tube.

It had not.

Instead, the paparazzi were there for Techie Smurf. He had been an intern at Hedger Corp last summer, and he still works with us from time to time. But recently he had become a major movie star, thanks to The Smurfs movie.

The movie opens next week, so Techie Smurf and the movie’s director were on site doing some promotion.

When Ted and Ann saw the Hollywood director, they both took off speed-walking toward their houses. Ted was going to get his dog, Mr. Bojangles, who he always felt should be in show business. Ann was going to retrieve a screenplay that she had recently finished writing.

Meanwhile, the paparazzi went crazy when they discovered Chachi in the crowd. “How’s Fonzie?” they yelled. “How’s Mr. C?”

Chachi just laughed and posed for pictures with Techie Smurf.

Derek unhappily watched this unfold. Chachi was his idol, and someday would be his Best Friend Forever. But now Techie Smurf and his fame appeared to be getting in the way.

There was no way Derek could allow this Chachi/Smurf friendship to blossom. No way.

He began to devise a plan.

Later, everyone ended up back in the breakroom. Ann tried to pitch her screenplay.

“It’s horror film about a gang of quasi-magical ponies who take over a house and try to drive the owner out,” she explained.

“That seems rather far-fetched,” replied the director.

Little did he know Ann was describing her own life.

Then Ted stole the director away. “Watch how well Mr. Bojangles can pitch a product,” Ted said excitedly. “This little guy is a born star!”

He demonstrated how Mr. Bojangles could be a “spokesdog” for electronics…

…and coffee.

Elsewhere, Derek began to hatch his “Thwart the Budding Friendship Between Chachi and Techie Smurf” plan.

Derek’s plan was simple. He decided that the rest of the week would be “Dress Like Your Favorite Celebrity” week. If everyone looked like a celebrity, then Techie Smurf would hold no special appeal. Chachi would stop paying attention to him.

Derek started handing out flyers to announce the event.

Then Ted flew out of nowhere and karate chopped him.

“Mr. Bojangles can also play a rescue dog!” Ted yelled to the director. “Look at this sad sack who’s hurt! Mr. Bojangles is helping him!”

Overcome with fear, pain and dog slobber, Derek passed out. He later came to, with no help from Bojangles.

As he sat up, he realized Chachi was trying to comfort him. “It’s OK, buddy,” said Chachi, as he patted Derek’s head. “That was so messed up.”

Derek felt tears of joy welling up.

He decided to cancel “Dress Like Your Favorite Celebrity” week. It was going to be too much work. And suddenly it seemed unnecessary.

Unfortunately, he forgot that he had given Bob a flyer.

The next day, Bob arrived at the office in an outfit that was… abnormal.

“I’m Lady Gaga,” he joked, in a high voice. “I’ve come to visit Techie Smurf.”

The paparazzi, still on the premises, went NUTS. Bob suddenly stopped to take in his surroundings. He was deeply disturbed. Why was he the only one dressed up? Why were the photographers swarming? Did they think he was actually Lady Gaga?

He had a sinking feeling things were about to get very awkward.

Next week: The Lady Gaga outfit proves difficult to remove. Meanwhile, Papa Smurf clashes with the staff.

It’s time to hear the employees’ ideas for Combining Infomercial Products. 

This project was the brainchild of Coach Kent. He is a somewhat of a visionary.

Not a total visionary. No.

But somewhat.

His challenge to the staff: Try to find a way to combine existing infomercial products into something new and BETTER.

Team A presented their ideas first.

Team A’s concept: The Insanity Workout Regimen meets the Happy Napper Play Pillow.

They called it “Insanely Happy Napper.”

Picture it: You’re working out. Working out hard.

As you lift, lunge and struggle through a bunch of push ups, the Happy Napper is adding extra weight. A miniscule amount, but still. It forces you to work that much harder.

Then, when you are ready to rest, BOOYA!

You have a snuggly pillow friend ready to help you take a little nap.

Team A was proud of their idea. But Team B was unimpressed. “Our turn,” said Derek. Then Team B struck a pose.

Team B called their idea “Power Clean.”

It included: A Comfy Control Pet Harness, a ShamWOW Mop and a Shark VX3 Floor and Carpet Cleaner.

The concept: Attach the ShamWOW and Shark VX3 to the doggie harness. As the pup dashes wildly around the house, the floor gets cleaner and cleaner.

Then, if you spot a mess in the other room and need to relocate the pup, you just grab a Safety Grip Handle…

…stick it on the harness, and boom! Move the dog.

Team A was grudgingly impressed with their competitor’s idea. But SURPRISE! They weren’t done. They had another idea to share.

They called it ULTIMATE PRODUCTIVITY.

It was all centered around the”3-Minute Legs” infomercial product. The team was intrigued to see that someone could get their legs in shape in just three minutes a day. But why stop there? What ELSE could people do in those same three minutes?

They decided to combine “3-Minute Legs” with:

• Pops-a-Dent — to quickly remove dents from your car
• The Slap Chop — to quickly chop an onion
• The Quick Chop — A competitor to the Slap Chop. Which one chops faster?? Find out during the three-minute workout!
• The Instant Fisherman — to instantly catch a fish
• The FLEX Pro — to work your abs during all this activity

All of these incredible products, included in ONE package:

But that’s not all!

The package ALSO INCLUDES Sweet Soul of the 70’s…

To help illustrate the concept, here is what people can achieve in THREE MINUTES with the Ultimate Productivity package:

After making this presentation, Team A applauded itself. They kept clapping and “woo hooing” way longer than appropriate.

Then Team B announced, “We, too, have a second idea.”

A hush fell over the room.

“Our idea,” said Team B, “is called ULTIMATE LAZINESS.”

Then the team posed again.

Ultimate Laziness starts with a Contour Back Wedge pillow thing.

..and a Bally Thigh Toner.

You use the ab toner as a footrest as you relax on the back pillow.

Next you add The Reacher.

In case you want to reach some Ding Dongs or something.

But wait! That’s not all.

The package also includes The Clapper.

And a very fancy lamp — situated out of reach — that you can now easily turn on and off.

But what if I get thirsty? you wonder. Would I have to get up and fetch water? NO!! No, you would not. Because the Ultimate Laziness package comes with the Aqua Globes Watering Bulbs!

Just fill it with water beforehand, then stick it in your mouth. It will administer water as needed.

You’re hydrated. But what if you want something else?

No worries! Simply record your need on the Forget Me Not…

Then take the EZ Jet Water Cannon (also included) and create a forceful jet of water that will launch the Forget Me Not into another room or, if needed, a neighbor’s house.

Everything is going well. So well that you never want to leave this comfortable cocoon. Well, you don’t have to because this NEXT ITEM is also included.

You won’t think you’ll need it, but you will.

With this incredible package, Team B rested its case.

It was a powerful combination of infomercial items. Powerful.

The group stood there, thinking about what had been presented. Which combination of products was the best? Should they pursue any of the concepts?

No one said a word.

Then Grandma Bernice wandered in.

“The paparazzi are going crazy outside,” she said, as if this was a normal update.

Paparazzi? What the heck was that all about? The employees ran — RAN — out of the office. Totally forgetting about all the infomercial ideas.

Coach Kent stood alone.

“Take the Insanely Happy Napper idea and DO IT,” he whispered to himself. “These Hedger Corp idiots could never execute it properly.”

He straightened his tie. Then he continued the self talk. “Why am I losing so much hair?” he thought to himself. “I need to address that issue. Man I need to go to the bathroom. But I hate public restrooms. Damn. I also need to get my bunion looked at. It’s getting out of control. So out of control…”

Coach Kent continued to talk to himself, but it got progressively less interesting. So we’ll just leave it at that.

Next: Why the paparazzi? Stay tuned and find out!

So, as you remember, Coach Kent arrived at the office with an exciting announcement.

“I’ve had an epiphany!” he shouted.

Meanwhile, Ted was doing the moonwalk. It was the best moonwalk ever, and he knew that if he stopped he would never be able to start again.

Unfortunately, Coach Kent walked directly into Ted’s path.

This wouldn’t have been a problem, except that Ted was moonwalking at an unusually high speed, and could not course-correct. He knocked Coach Kent to the ground, then — tragically — he went down as well.

Ted was crushed. His inexplicably astonishing moonwalk… RUINED!

Derek, who was Ted’s moonwalk mentor, tried to demonstrate the move again, but it was no use. Ted was despondent.

Coach Kent was totally fed up. He stood on the table and cleared his throat. “We are NOT here for moonwalking, though admittedly that WAS one of your 2011 corporate goals,” he yelled.

He continued: “We are here to achieve success as a cross-functional, high-performing team!”

Then he paused dramatically.

“Who here has watched an infomercial?” he finally shouted.

Ted raised his hand. He had recently purchased 82 Snuggies for his dog, Mr. Bojangles.

Bob raised his hand and said that he, too, bought a Snuggie from an infomercial. It was a polka-dot one from the “Snuggie Designer” collection. He loved it, but it had been ruined by his crazy therapist/ski instructor, as loyal readers will recall.

Coach Kent was thrilled to hear about the Snuggies. “Yes!” he said. “Let’s use that as an example. Let’s say you purchase a Snuggie…”

“You are happy because it keeps you warm when you are feeling chill, and yet you can still read your book or use the remote control,” Coach Kent said. “HOWEVER, what if you sit outside a lot, and you are pestered by mosquitos? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Snuggie made out of…”

He thought for a moment, then yelled: “Made out of The Bugpatch, another infomercial product!”

“Combining these two infomercial ideas would lead to an even better idea,” he explained. “A Snuggie that repels bugs. This is what you need to do.”

There was silence. Everyone seemed confused. Should they buy a Snuggie? Should they buy The Bugpatch? How much was shipping and handling going to be?

Coach Kent could see he was not getting through. He sighed with frustration.

“LOOK,” he said, “What I’m telling you is that you need to review the infomercials out there. Look for products that stand out. Then find a way to combine one or more of the products to make a new, better product.”

“We will divide into two teams,” he said. “And we will develop and present our ideas. Hedger Corp will pursue the most brilliant idea. We are turning this compapny around, guys! Turning it around!!”

Coach Kent was excited and started pumping his fists all around. But no one else moved a muscle. They were not at all enthused; this just sounded like a bunch of work.

Reluctantly, they shuffled into two groups, with a Coach Kent energetically joining one of the teams to even out the number. And the planning began…

Next: Can multiple infomercial products be combined to create one game-changing idea? Find out this week as the teams pitch their ideas…

Work is still underway with Coach Kent (see fig. A).

Fig. A

However, the recap of the meeting will not be ready until next week. Sorry for the delay, folks! We’re going to try a little something new, actually. Starting Monday, Hedger Corp will post a series of mini-updates about Coach Kent’s idea and what the employees are doing. So join us next week for that exciting stuff.

In the meantime, here’s a look at what Chachi was up to today.

He agreed to dog sit for a friend — all weekend.

“The dog is large,” the owner said.

And that was an understatement.

From the get-go, things did not go well.

Once the dog dropped him, Chachi tried to play dead.

After a while, when he thought the dog was asleep, he stood up.

The dog was not asleep.

Hours later, the dog did fall asleep. Chachi tip-toed away. V E R Y  C A R E F U L L Y.

Good luck, Chachi. You’re in for a long weekend.

Starting Monday: Coach Kent’s epiphany, and how the employees respond.

When we left off, the employees were preparing for a mid-year business review. Coach Kent, our consultant, was due to arrive at any moment — and he would surely be asking about goals, objectives, accomplishments, and other intimidating things.

As you may recall, the employees were struggling to remember WHAT they had accomplished to date. And it wasn’t going well.

Meanwhile, Coach Kent was outside, preparing to lead the mid-year review workshop.

He likes to stretch and warm up before facilitating meetings.

He was feeling good. Feeling strong.

He wondered, should he attempt the back bend? It was an advanced move, of course. But he had done it once before. It would be a good way to motivate himself… get pumped up to lead the workshop.

“Do it, Kent!” he yelled to himself inside his head.

Then he eased into the back bend.

Ahh… excellent.

He remained in the back bend for a while.

In fact, he remained in the position for a troubling amount of time.

Finally, he was forced to admit that there was a problem.

Unfortunately, he had to admit this out loud to a young lady who was passing by.

“Are you OK?” she asked with alarm.

“I have become temporarily immobilized,” said Coach Kent, with as much dignity as possible.

“This guy is stuck!” the lady screamed.

Others began to gather.

Coach Kent was mortified and worried. But he knew these negative emotions were not doing him any good.

“Pull yourself together, Kent!” he yelled inside his head. “Should you have attempted the back bend? No, you idiot! You should not have. But you did, and now you need to turn this situation into something productive!”

Coach Kent cleared his throat, then made an announcement to the crowd. “Do what you feel you must do to help me,” he declared. “In the meantime, I am going to use the downtime to meditate about business strategy and goal achievement.”

He began to meditate.

Just as they were about to un-bend him, Coach Kent yelled, “Wait! I am in the middle of an epiphany!”

The crowd waited. Finally Coach Kent said, “The epiphany has ended. Please continue with the rescue.”

When he was finally standing again, he faced the crowd. “I want to thank you for your assistance,” Kent told the group. “You cannot believe the amazing idea I had while I was immobilized. I’m not going to share the idea with you for fear that you will steal it. But I assure you, it is phenomenal.”

Then he went inside.

Up in the office, the employees were trying to remember what they had done this year. What had they accomplished? Anything?

They reflected on everything that had happened in the past six months…

The highs…

The lows…

The lapses in judgement…

The personal issues…

And the fashion missteps…

The few times they had turned on their computers…

And the MANY times they had just hung around doing nothing at all…

Had it been a busy year so far? Yes. The staff had dealt with spiders, leprechauns, nutritionists, presidents, guns, duct tape, magicians, fire, lions, Richard Simmons and more.

But did these issues have ANYTHING to do with Hedger Corp’s 2011 goals?

You know the answer to that.

The staff heard Coach Kent getting off the elevator and everyone struck a pose. They made one last attempt to look productive and engaged in work.

Then something amazing happened.

The moment Coach Kent stepped into the room he yelled, “I know you have been working hard on your 2011 corporate goals and achieving great things! I can tell by the way you look right now. You are productive and motivated!”

Ted continued doing a big moonwalk circle, which did not seem to faze Coach Kent.

“We will review your goals at another time,” Kent shouted. “I have had an epiphany, and today I will tell you about something that will blow the roof off of Hedger Corp and bring you success you never dreamed possible!”

There was a dramatic pause.

“Come,” said Coach Kent. “Gather around and I will explain my idea.”

This coming Friday: The idea — and its impact on Hedger Corp.